From the Start
by Mrs. Flamer
Summary: He should've known from the start that they were meant to be. He should've, but he didn't. It hurt, but it didn't pain him nearly as much as he would've thought at first. He was happy for them. Giftfic for Ashley-97.


**AN :** Giftfic for the lovely **Ashley-97**, I apologize for making you wait so long. Due to obvious reasons, I do not want people to request giftfics: this is a special occurrence. I hope you'll like it, sweetie~

**EDIT:** fixed a big mistake, if you see any more of those, please do tell somewhere.

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><p><em>Let's go back to the start. <em>

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><p>Tadase fidgeted with the hem of his shirt as he rang the bell to the Hinamori residence. His eyes, a deep red, held onto every single detail on the wooden door. A woman whom he'd met before opened up, smiling cheerfully at him as she led him inside; almost pulling him along with her. He had smiled back, widely as usual, as he asked a question not meant to be asked. She offered him tea, which he declined. He wouldn't feel comfortable doing that now, and he might not even keep the liquid inside of his body.<p>

The stairs that he had to take to reach her room suddenly seemed a lot longer and far more dangerous. He gulped. Mustering all the courage he could, he went up, slowly as to not fall. He knew himself, one bit of noise in the house would make him shake; make him feel as if everything was just a mistake. Breathe in, he told himself, breathe out.

The door of her room opened up and she came out, surprise written on her face as she stared at him. He was still climbing the stairs as if they were some kind of mountain. The carpet below him seemed to crumble and he felt sharp stones thud on his face. Her look barely hid anything from him as she mumbled out a greeting.

"Hello, Hinamori-san." His own way of saying such was formal and stiff, not something that sounded as if it were said between two friends – especially not friends who were that close. She grinned back, a trait she'd picked up from Kuukai (or perhaps Nagihiko, he doubted his judgment at the moment) as she glanced back at her room, seemingly suspicious of something.

Faintly, he wondered if Ikuto was there again. His rival slash brother figure always seemed to pop up at improbable timings. He glanced back the girl in front him, studying her movements for hints of nervousness. She seemed to be anxious about something; she had crossed one hand over the other behind her back, but he didn't know whether the feline-like guy was behind her behavior.

She scraped her throat and held back the urge to lick her lips. "Want to come up to my room?"

He nodded and stepped up the remaining stairs, feeling airy all of a sudden. Her room was still pink and cutesy, something that hadn't changed since elementary. Aside from a few changes, like some personal drawings, pictures with friends, and a poster of the newest boy band, the room felt the same like it had done all those years ago. Tadase couldn't decide whether this made him feel younger, or older.

Amu had placed herself on the bed, her legs dangling from the side, barely touching the ground. At her side was a cat made of plush.

He calmed his senses, not trying to decipher hidden meanings. It was a pure coincidence, there was nothing that could prove it belonged to Ikuto, or was a memoire of the boy. Tadase crossed that thought, reminiscing times when Ikuto had been a boy. The person he was now didn't resemble that anymore, he had grown – they all had – and unlike them, who were all teenagers, he had become an adult.

Amu gestured for him to sit, too, and he neglected the offer. At this, her lips curled downwards slightly, and he could see worry in her eyes. She had clenched her right hand around the bed sheets, a sight that he had never seen before. In a sick, sick way, he felt proud that he could unleash feelings of uncertainness and concern within her.

"Tadase," she began, soft and gentle and just like she'd always been, "are you okay?"

He nodded and smiled. The smile didn't seem that real to her, uncertainness and concern had wrapped around him, tightly, and in an ironic way, she couldn't see that he only reflected her own emotions. They were close; they'd had been from the start, if one didn't feel right, the other didn't either. But that wasn't something they noticed.

He looked around the room again, smelling her strawberry shampoo in the air, a sign that she'd been showering not too long ago. Now that he had stated that, he could see that her hair was still damp and that she had an aura of cleanliness. Strange, the little things that you can't see at times.

Tadase saw a picture of the guardians on the wall behind her. He could see Kiseki fighting with Miki, although that wasn't something apparent to others viewing it. He didn't know whether others could still see Charas, but he knew he could. Kuukai was in it, his arm loosely around Amu's shoulder. She didn't look too happy with the situation, and her head was turned towards Rima, almost pleadingly. He was standing next to Nagihiko, who had just ruffled Rima's hair – he could see the disgruntled expression on her face and the lack of a hair adornment. He let out a chuckle at the image; those were the best days of their lives, after all.

"What're you laughing with?"

"Us."

Nothing more needed to be said, she knew what he was talking about. It was one of those tidbits about their friendship; they had come to understand each other without any further words. That didn't mean that they didn't have long conversations, but at certain times, silence was a pleasant guest.

Tadase didn't know how long they'd stared at one another; his gaze was focused on seeing every single thing about her. He was perceptive. He had always been, it was part of his princely personality. He could see a tiny dip in her chin, a look of adoration in her brown-eyes (which didn't look that brown to him at the moment.), he could see that one strand of her pink hair had rebelled against the rest; it stood up, and he could see how she had changed the position of her hands. She had placed them on her lap, like a true lady would do, folded on the other.

In return, she didn't mind his ogling. She never minded, as his look wasn't perverted, but loving. He looked at her with a gentleness that she didn't get often, a feeling that he would dedicate everything for her, that _he truly loved her_.

He stopped and took in her appearance for the last time. "Nagihiko wondered if you were coming to see his performance, this weekend."

Gleefully, she stood up. Her eyes almost seemed to twinkle as the thought of her best friend (one of them, that is) dancing. She wasn't classical, or traditional, and both her music as her clothing style were distinct, but that didn't mean that she didn't like his performances. The way he moved was far beyond labels: it was gorgeous in an indescribable way.

"Of course I am! Is it at the usual place?" He nodded and took something out of his pocket. It was some sort of invitation; wrinkled by the small place it had been forced in, but it still had a regal look around it that was typical for the Fujisakis'.

Amu went over to him and accepted it with a smile. Their hands touched along the way and the faintest blush appeared on her face. Both of them had a shy smile as their touches lingered far longer than they had to be. He coughed and moved away from her, turning his head to the other side. He still needed to ask her something – Nagihiko's letter was only an extra mission. Maybe even a distraction for what he really wanted to say.

She noticed, of course she did. He could feel that she asked him what he wanted to add, although she never opened her mouth to do so.

"Do you feel like going out, sometime?" Such a simple thing, yet it was so difficult to ask. She laughed brightly, a sign of acceptance, but also a sign of nervousness. She couldn't answer at the moment; she simply could not say that simple word.

(That should've been his first clue.)

_And dance to the music._

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><p>The day came and it was time for Nagihiko's show. It was only one of many, he'd done those ever since he was old enough to understand and remember the choreography, but he knew this would be the one that his friends would see. He wondered what they expected of it. They had seen him dance before; it wasn't exactly a well-kept secret, not after everything that happened, but that didn't mean that he forced them to go to his performances every single time.<p>

How long has it been since the last one that they witnessed? He tried counting, but he failed miserably. It didn't matter. Time was running out and he needed to get ready.

_I can do this_, he told himself, and he hoped that he was right. Anxiety was building up in him, replacing everything else as he got to the podium. Kimono-clad woman sat in the front; family and friends of his family. His mother nodded her head at him with a curt wave. He knew it was her way of telling him how proud she was of him. Not a lot of males came to watch, and those that did were seated at the sidelines. Most of them weren't too interested in it, aside from a few.

The light in the room dimmed completely and two spots brightened up the place he was. Music, coming from old Japanese and Korean instruments, played and he started his routine. One step, two steps… He used the long sleeves of his own kimono to sweep along with the sounds. The audience was completely silent, and the only noises heard were the instruments and the thudding of his sandals on the wood. No background dancers, no singing voice, only his rhythm.

The _kanzashi _in his _nihon-gami_ moved around, and he silently cursed at the thought of the ornaments falling. Yet he didn't do anything about them and kept doing what he had to, letting go off any worries left in him. He was going to do this, and it was going to be good. He could feel the prideful stare of his mother, and he knew she was honored to have him as her son. The sounds faded away and he smiled at everyone in the room, despite not seeing them.

Amu ran up to him, over to the places where his family sat. She didn't want to come to the podium, afraid to disgrace him, but she still wanted to come as close as she could to show him how happy she was with the show. He didn't look at her, not yet, as he went to the dressing room, his own arm behind his back, hoping that she'd understand the gesture to follow him.

She might not be the smartest, but she knew what he meant. While the crowd waited for the next act, she went backstage. Tadase and the rest were still standing in the back; they'd decided to give the two friends some time alone. They hadn't had such for a while now.

"It was great." Nagihiko was currently removing the white make-up from his face, his hair left intact. It accentuated his femininity, but Amu saw far beyond that. He looked surprised at the comment, pleased, too.

He put away the tissue, his face half normal. "Really?"

She nodded happily and hushed on about how elegant and amazing he looked. He grinned. She was such a child sometimes, and it was a part of her he liked a lot. Naïve, innocent… You could call it all you want, but he found _her_ to be the amazing one to keep that personality through everything. He unleashed his long hair from the difficult style it was in and stretched out one of his arms, a flower from his hair on it.

"Here, a present," he told her, as he handed it over to her. Her delicate hands fumbled around with it, looking carefully at the frail flower.

"Thank you…" she mumbled breathlessly, biting her lip in an attempt to find out where she could place it the best. It was gorgeous and she didn't want to lose it, but by holding it, she might destroy it by being overly excited. She turned around, glancing around to see if there was a safe place. When she didn't find one, she huffed softly.

He laughed at her behavior. "It's made of plastic, don't worry."

He grabbed it from her hand and placed it in her hair, but not before giving her a small peck on the cheek. He watched as her face flushed in embarrassment at the closeness. A throaty giggle escaped as he motioned for her to sit.

"Now, Amu. Let's talk about something."

(That should've been her first clue.)

_Don't worry about a thing  
><em>

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><p>Ikuto had always been self-assured, maybe even too much at times. That didn't mean he was a narcissist, it simply meant that he had confidence, strength. Why wouldn't he? He was born in a not-so-rich family, and he had to take care of his sister on his own, yet they both managed to do fine. His talent for the violin was close to unrivalled, and he was naturally witty.<p>

"Ikuto? What are you doing here?" He spun around, seeing the familiar face of the teen. She had a flower in her hair, he noted. It looked cute on her.

"Walking around, you?" She huffed at the blue-haired guy. He was still lean, and only his shoulders had broadened. His face looked more angular, and she faintly wondered if he'd been eating right. Utau was on a tourney in Japan, and Amu knew that it was the younger woman who usually fed him. She turned to her bag and searched for a wallet. She could go and buy something cheap for the two of them; it would do them both good.

He waited as she finally found what she needed. "I'm going to buy something, stay here?" It wasn't meant to be a question; he knew that she knew that he wouldn't leave without saying anything. Not now that everything had calmed down. No Easter, no Charas, no disturbances…

Well, beside Tadase. But the boy was barely an annoyance to him; he was glad to be friends with him again. He'd missed their times together, as short and far away those were.

He could see Amu on the tips of her feet, giving through what she wanted to the old guy at one of the many street stands. Despite the years, she hadn't grown too much, not compared to the others. But he knew that she didn't mind too much, it reminded her of those times that she wouldn't forget. Her pink hair was still put up with a clip, although it wasn't the x-clip this time, but the flower. He had seen the faintest ting of white on her cheek, and he wondered if it had something to do with that. Had she encountered a geisha or maiko and talked to them? He laughed at the idea; that would be strange.

When she came back, she held out something for him. He stared at the snack, open-eyed. She nodded and smiled, something she did often. Maybe even more than she used to do, if that was possible. It wasn't that she hadn't matured – because she had, but some of those traits from the past were more apparent now than ever.

"Let's eat together!" He smirked and stroked her cheek, wiping away the white from before. It was replaced by some red, and she turned away from him quickly.

When he spoke up next, his voice was low but pleasant. "Let's do that."

They talked about all sorts of things, from food to his sister to her sister to friends and, inevitably, to love. It was a subject they mostly avoided, and yet it was also the subject they both wanted to talk about so badly.

His lips curled into a tight smirk as he observed the changes in her facial expressions. The girl was shy, far too shy, in his humble opinion, when the subject was accidentally brought up. She stuttered and blushed and for a moment he thought that she was twelve again. But she wasn't, she was sixteen and one step closer to adulthood. She readied herself, slowly composing her thoughts as she stared up bleakly at him.

"Let's keep that for later, okay?" He nodded, surprised at the attention she gave to her carefully sought out words. She had articulated perfectly, and for a moment, he was the one who felt twelve again. She always made him feel that way. In some ways, she was his reality check.

They reached his house not too long after. Tokyo was a big city, but they both knew their way around, and as such, the city didn't feel like it did to tourists. It was their home, their village if you said it in those words. They were born and raised under the pressure of always-present car accidents and far too much smoke.

The Tsukiyomi house was no better than the Hinamori one. It was, just as her house, another building in a neighborhood full of them. It had a decent size for two people. It was a modern house, painted grey. But it felt like so much more in Amu's opinion, as Ikuto grabbled around in his pocket for the key.

He didn't need to ask if she wanted to come inside. She didn't need to ask if she was allowed to come inside. They had bonded over the years, up until the point that words weren't necessary at moments. In some ways, Utau had always said she felt jealous over it, saying that although she'd known him longer and better, Amu was closer to him.

Those words drifted back in Amu's mind as she walked inside, putting her bag on the dinner table. She muttered something to Ikuto, who had gone to hang his coat somewhere. He hadn't heard her, so it was only normal that he didn't answer.

He came back with drinks for them both, a tired grin on his face. She did the same as she accepted the lemonade, taking a large gulp from it. Both were tired, and both knew the other was. It had been a long day, and it was already quite late. 6PM felt late if you had been walking and having fun the complete day. Amu tried remembering when she had to get home, but she couldn't. It didn't matter even if she did get home late – her mother would understand just fine.

"Is now a good time to talk?"

They were interrupted by the bell. Amu stood up in Ikuto's place and opened up, surprised to see Tadase standing there. He stared back at her, equally puzzled as he held up a shopping bag. _Food for Ikuto?_ Amu thought as she viewed the plastic item. It was clearly from a local convenience store.

Ikuto had come to stand behind Amu without her noticing. "I thought I said that you didn't need to bother."

Tadase shrugged lightly. "You need this, and I was on my way."

Ikuto accepted the food and looked inside. It was some sushi and a rice ball with plum. It mustn't have cost too much, yet he fiddled around in his pocket for some change to give to the blond boy.

"Don't," Tadase said. "Why are you here, Hinamori-san?"

Amu sighed deeply, she'd expected the question. It wasn't like there was anything she was hiding from him, especially not now the friendship between the two boys was rekindled, but that didn't make it more comfortable for her to talk about it.

"Yeah, I guess I should tell you both…"

(That should've said enough.)

_Let's go back to the start.  
><em>

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><p>Tadase wasn't heartbroken, or bawling his eyes out. Okay, maybe he was heartbroken, but he was certainly no crybaby, and he wasn't a sore loser either. He had expected the outcome, he had expected for her to choose Ikuto. That should've been clear to him from the start. Faintly, he wondered if others had noticed her feelings for the older guy, but the thought was soon thrown away.<p>

He wasn't unhappy; he was cheerful for the two of them. Ikuto was his big brother in most senses, and Amu was still the one he wanted to have as queen. It hadn't ended up that well for him, but he was happy enough.

The image of Amu and Ikuto flashed through his mind and he smiled, too. He was happy for them, even if he didn't seem that way now.

(He should've gotten that first clue _from the start_.)

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>I was rushing through the biggest part of this, I apologize if that changed the quality. As always, concrit is accepted and desired.


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